Tuesday, August 4, 2009


What do we know about contractors?

Contractors are basically random people that are hired by a government agency or business to do, well, the shit work!

They work for virtually nothing because they're more or less pimped out for the lowest possible price by the parent company they work for.

I mean seriously, hookers should be more worried about an IRS audit than these guys!

And of course, the different varieties of contractors.

#1-The Supervisor, who we'll refer to as "Dick". This is the guy that comes around just to makes sure the crew he pimped out is doing the work prescribed for the low low price of only $19.95, or whatever dope deal was actually made. This is the guy that, despite his bulging belly, walks around puffing his chest out and talking in the loudest, cheesiest, deep voice he can muster. This of course is to make sure that anyone and everyone in the vicinity understands that YES, he is the boss! He is rude to everyone, appears to know nothing, and mostky sticks his fat ass smack dab in the way of all progress. The biggest problem with "Dick" however is that he shows up at the jobsite unannounced at the most inopportune times (like when something is on fire), and expects everyone to drop everything to let him in so he can get in the way!

#2-Site Foreman, who we'll refer to as "Dude". This is the hardest working, most trusted, most skilled, most professional, and last but not least most courteous guy out of all the contractors. He shows up early and is hard at work long before the rest of the contractor crew arrives, and long after they leave. When he needs something from the people at the agency he's been pimped out to, he is extremely courteous and friendly, and ensures they know how appreciative he is. He is also not one to care much bout money. This is a man who frankly doesn't give a shit about how much he's been pimped out for, or how much of it he actually gets paid. No, he's just content to have a steady full time job and proud of the quality craftsmanship he provides to previously mentioned company.

#3-The Crew, who we'll refer to as, well, "The Crew". These porr souls are the bottom of the totem pole, average joes that show up and do just enough to get paid for it. This probably explains partially why they get paid so little of the money they've been pimped out for! Anyway, these are the guys who show up not a few minutes early, but at the exact minute they absolutely have to be there! In turn, the very minute quitting time rolls around, they drop whatever they are doing and make a run for wherever they run to! It's just a good the thing "Dude" is there to make sure everything gets put where it's suppose to. Anyway, at any given minute of any given day, at least one of "The Crew" is on break. I mean literally, it's as if they merely rotate every 5 minutes. Imagine this: One guy is on break for 5 minutes, then another for 5 minutes, then another! So esentially, every 10 minutes, you rotate into a 5 minute break time! Don't we wish all jobs worked like that? Though realistically, again, probably a good explanation for the $19.95 pimping out!

Monday, August 3, 2009


I mean seriously, what a goat rope!

Inspections are a tragic technicality that plague the lives of people who actually do work!

I mean, come on, if you're actually doing your job, the work you are suppose to be doing, of which there's a pile of tall enough to keep you busy 24 hours a day for 6 months with no days off!

Do you ACTUALLY have time to prepare for an inspection? or ACTUALLY have an inspection for that matter!

Wait, let me put everything on hold for YOUR inspection!

Then, when the projects that were suppose to get done don't, you have something to be pissy about!

Maybe you should hire someone who's entire job is to prepare for inspections!
Then, kiss the inspection team's ass when they eventually show up at the most inopportune time!

The job title could be: INSPECTION BITCH!

That way, everyone else can do what the hell they're suppose to! Which doesn't include inspections, or preparing for such!


Thursday, July 16, 2009


You know how stupid people are right?
Well, maybe not, but you should!
If not, let me educate you.
There are some seriously asinine people out there!
I mean people that just excel at their own astronomical level of stupidity!

(As a disclaimer, I might as well admit that I probably fit into this category myself)

Anyway, the short of it goes like this:

Person #1 (whom we'll refer to as ass-hat), approaches person #2 (whom we'll refer to as "the guy") ans tells him to work on a top priority project (we'll refer to this as project #!).

"The guy" gets to work on said project.

The next day "ass-hat" approaches "the guy" again and tells him to go work on a different project (we'll refer to this as project #2). Bear in mind, a couple of sleeping 5 year old children could complete project #2! "Ass-hat" makes sure to point out that project #2 takes priority over EVERYTHING else!

"The guy" gets to work on said project.

Another day passes and "ass-hat" approaches "the guy" and inquires as to why "project #1" wasn't completed. And the argument ensues! "

The guy" says to "ass-hat": "You told me to work on project #2, and that it took priority over everything else!"

"Ass-hat" says: "No, project #1 was top priority!"

"The guy" says: "No, you said project #2 takes priority over everything else!"

And this pathetic lose-lose argument goes on and on until "the guy" gets tired of it and knocks "ass-hat's" teeth out!

Ok, maybe he didn't knock his teeth out, but it was an option, and it sounded cool!

Speaking of that, let's talk options.

We know what happened cause it's all in print above. What are the options here?
#1-Knock "ass-hat's' teeth out! (as previously mentioned)
#2-Continue arguing for the rest of eternity!
#3-Turn and walk away hoping "ass-hat" won't notice!
#4-Suck it up and move on, fully knowing that ass-hat is lying through his damn teeth and is, well, an ass-hat!

Well ok, I guess that's enough options.

The point here is that as said above, some people are astronomically stupid! Astronomically stupid people do astronomically stupid things, say astronomically stupid things , and make themselves out to be astronomical jackasses! I mean seriously, get over yourself shitbag!

So, by the way. What the shit is up with friggin people today? I mean seriously, someone let the freaks out of the friggin chicken shack! Lock your doors and Stay off the street! Unless of course you enjoy being plowed down by a 7 colored piece of shit car! I can hear the "bump bump" of tires now!